A Plumbing Manual

Plumbing. Its a necessity. When it doesn't work, there forms a ripple in the space time continum. When one doesn't want to use the great invention that is modern plumbing, all sanity is lost.

The following manual is being published due to the lack of manuals in this area.

Chapter 1: Developing the desire to use the plumbing.

If an individual lives in your house that shows disinterest in utilizing the household facilities to urinate, you must first discern the cause of said disinterest. In my experience, this could be due to several factors:

- Too busy with the current activity at hand;
- Unconcerned with wet pants; or, possibly
- Laziness

Professionals suggest that ways to overcome the above may include candy after successful peeage (aka bribery) and utilizing only positive praise. In some cases toilet targets can be helpful (unless said family member is a little girl). In no means must the parent revert back to diapers. This is regression and should be avoided at all costs.

In my professional parenting experience, I have attempted all of the above, with limited success. We are not above bribery by any means and utilize candy to its fullest. Alas, the greatest success seems to have come by merely uttering the words "you don't want wet pants" and continually suggesting use of the facilities. Since 100% success has not yet been achieved, look for the follow-up edition to this manual.

Chapter 2: Utilization of the toilet to its fullest.

Toilets are designed to handle two forms of waste - solid and liquid. Liquid seems to be the easiest for young family members to master. In some instances, particularly in the male of the species, the transition from standing to the seated position for purposes of excretion can be a difficult transition. It is here that the experience of professionals fails and fails miserably.

If said child has qualms about discharging excrement in the toilet, no amount of bribery or cajoling will help. It only makes the boy more anxious about the endeavour.

I have no solution or conclusion to this chapter. See the follow-up edition to this manual.

Chapter 3: All household plumbing fails.

Sometimes, particularly it seems on weekends, a terrorizing situation occurs. This is something the husband refers to as a back-up. Often the husband is convinced that he himself is a plumber and can rectify such situations. Alas, you may find yourself in a situation of wandering from room to room where dirty water fills sinks and the smell of Drain-o waifs through the house.

In this situation, this author suggests waiting it out for the day. The following day, be prepared to contact professional plumber.

Yes, in all aspects of household plumbing, there are leaks, back-ups, stinks, and sheer terror. The cure may be long in coming. When at the end of your rope following such situations, this author recommends grabbing a large glass of Riesling and listening to the following: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA1KfRuE-Ic (and no, it isn't MCC)

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To escape the aforementioned potty woes of the weekend, we partied - Giada's (aka Baby G) 1st birthday party. Baby G's parents are our good friends Chris and Sharon. Chris and I used to work together at Isler before we both jumped ship for greener pastures.

At the party, the kids took part in their first ever game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey (see video clip below). Siena was quite adept at this.
That's Siena's #3 there. Course, her second try netted the #9 on the Donkey's eye, right next to Mason's #5 on the Donkey's nose.
This money shot is DeCicco playing Wii baseball.

The kids also played Mario kart on the Wii with the big boys. Lets just say that after their demonstrated driving abilities, neither were allowed to drive home. They had fun though.

And cake and ice cream...

Giada enjoyed her big #1 piece of cake too, though at times she seemed unsure of what to make of all the attention bestowed upon her.

I think the bigger kids enjoyed the opening of the presents even more than Giada. She got lotsa books and fun things though.

Here's video footage of the big party. Note Siena's Wii knock out punch on Mason at the end of the second video. He's fine but his arm is a little sore.